Chapter 02: Young Adulthood
Linda’s Life as a Young Adult
After
finishing high school, Linda moved to San Francisco.
This is
a part of her life that I only know of in broad brushstrokes.
I
believe she chose San Francisco because her half sister Carol (her mother’s
first daughter) lived near there. Linda was not raised with Carol, who was
raised by her own father, their mother’s first husband. Though they were
separated by half a continent, Linda always loved Carol and after their mother
died, she lived for Carol’s letters. She felt that this was a connection to her
mother and wanted to be close to Carol.
Also
Linda was tired of the desert of Texas and wanted to be near the ocean. She
hated Texas and would hardly ever admit to being from there. She worked hard
and was successful at removing all traces of a drawl from her voice.
After
Linda moved to San Francisco, she found a job as a Nurse’s aide at St Mary’s
Hospital.
Linda
loved working with patients and feeling like she was doing something
worthwhile. She loved to tell stories about the patients she had worked with
and helped, spending time with the old people who were dying, encouraging the
younger ones and having a smile for every one.
There
was one patient who was dying and for religious reasons wanted their body
washed after they were dead with wine. Linda was always proud that after this
friend had died she came in and washed the body as he had wanted.
Unfortunately,
Linda may have liked her work too much.
At some
point before hospital workers started taking the current precautions with body
fluids, Linda managed to contract Hepatitis “C.” She found out by accident when
she donated blood and a few days later was told that they could not accept her
donation because she had this condition.
This was
in the mid-80’s, but she never showed any signs of the disease, even after
having it for over twenty years.
The
medical field was definitely Linda’s calling. She quickly developed a
reputation as a “great worker, willing to go the extra mile.”
She also
found she had skills throughout a hospital or medical office. At different
times she worked as a nurse’s aide, receptionist, medical secretary, and
medical transcriptionist. If you did not need a degree, she did it and hoped
that someday she would get the degree needed to do the things she could not do
without one.
While
she was living in San Francisco, Linda also learned a lot more about sex. Since
middle school, Linda had been sexually active.
I think
she believed that she could use her body to find the love she lost when her
mother died. She was skilled at giving pleasure, but none of the boys she was
with cared about her pleasure.
After
countless sexual encounters, she had never had an orgasm. It was not until she
moved to San Francisco that she managed to give herself one, by accident.
She
quickly discovered how to give herself an orgasm, when she wanted, and this
expanded her experimentation. She lived for some time with a girlfriend and
lover who also starred in porn and made a good living at it, or was able to
support her habit. Linda never told me what her friend used.
They had
a nice apartment in San Francisco, Linda’s friend would take Linda to lots of
great (I assume drug filled) parties.
Linda
told me that years later she tried to get back in touch with her friend and was
told that “I am now clean and cannot have contact with anyone I knew when I was
using.” This rebuff hurt Linda deeply. But as Linda fought her own addiction, I
think she understood.
While
Linda may have been living, sleeping, with a woman she never lost her lust for
men, but found that the guys she dated were not interested in her pleasures but
their own. She put up with this because she needed to be with them so she could
feel attractive even if most of them were not telling her she was. Most of them
were, as Linda called them, suits and did not care about what was on the
inside. As long as they could have a babe on their arm and let their friends
see them.
After a
few years living in San Francisco, Linda took a better paying job in Newport
Beach near Los Angeles. I also think that Linda’s full sister Sarah was living
in LA then.
Linda
continued dating, as she called them, tall, dark, handsome and emotionally
unavailable men. While Linda never thought of herself as beautiful, she found
lots of suits that were willing to take her to dinner and to bed, occasionally.
But she also found that while they put on a good show for their friends while
they were out, their creativity in the bedroom was more than limited. Linda
wanted to explore but they were not interested and she was willing to live in
the box they set for her, afraid of losing their affection, which was quickly
lost anyway.
Linda
never told me all the different drugs she took in her life, but I know there
were many and most of them failed to please her.
Many
times in our conversations some drug would come up and she would tell me how
she had tried it, did not like it, and what the effects of it were.
At this
time in her life, I think the only drug she was addicted to, even though many
will tell you that you cannot get addicted to it, was marijuana.
She told
me that there were times in her life when she had to have it on a daily basis.
I am also certain that alcohol was becoming a problem for her, as it would on
and off throughout her life.
After
spending a few years in Los Angeles, she moved back to San Francisco.
While
living in San Francisco, Linda got married. Now this was not the kind of
marriage that most people think about. No white lace, until death do we part.
Linda had a friend who was a Palestinian. He wanted to stay in the country,
Linda married him so he could get a green card. She told me that they were just
friends. She even told the priest that, when we applied to get married
ourselves. What she did not tell me, until years later, was that while they
were married so he could stay in the country, they also managed to get pregnant
twice. Both of these pregnancies were aborted.
A few
years later Linda’s husband decided it was time to return to Israel and marry a
virgin who was waiting for him, so they divorced.
Linda
may have had problems, but on the whole her life was going well. She loved
living in San Francisco, she loved her friends, and she loved to party. She was
successful, with dreams of even more success in the future.
Linda
loved her work but wanted more from her life. She went back to school at San
Francisco State. She wanted to be a nurse and a dancer.
One of
Linda’s great loves was dancing. In high school, she loved to sneak out on a
Friday night and go dancing. She loved how free dancing made her body feel.
Despite
Linda’s problems, I believe that she was on the road to a somewhat happy life,
not unlike the lives lived by a lot of people, but in October 1989 all that
ended.
But in October of 1989, all of that ended.
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