Chapter 04: Linda and Odell at First.

Linda and Odell at First

Before I can go on, I have to remind the reader that everything you have just read was not known to me. I should also take a moment to introduce myself. My name is Odell. At this time, I was 38 years old, single, never married. I lived alone in my own home in Vancouver, Washington. I worked as a computer programmer. I had only dated a few women in my life. I was looking for someone for a long-term relationship. On June 30th, 1999, I knew nothing of this wonderful, but sad, person named Linda until I checked my email.

Subject: Response to your ad at One and Only Internet Personals

Date: 30 Jun 1999 14:42:32 -0500

From: XXXXXXXX.com

To: XXXXXXXX.com

A Libertarian!

Hi – My brother-in-law is heavily involved in the Libertarian Party. I am also very spontaneous, love to laugh (in and out of the bedroom), and have always been very independent. I moved to California from the Midwest when I was 18 and have lived all over the United States. I'm pretty new to this area (Oregon Coast) and work as a medical transcriptionist at home. I have made great friends here and we've been to Portland often for fun and good times. I love live music, especially the blues and rock. I am into growing spiritually and meditate, yoga, and swim every day when possible. Your ad jumped out at me – dependable, different, laid back, caring, and spiritual. I am NOT looking for Ken and wouldn't be Barbie for the world. I am 5'5", blue eyes, brunette with longish layered hair and full-figured, curvy in the right places. I have a few love handles too but am adding the gym and push-ups and sit-ups to my workout routine. I am very open and like to discuss just about anything.

Looking forward to hearing from YOU,

Linda

I was very pleased to receive this response to my ad. I had been looking for someone for a long time, and while women get overwhelmed by responses to their ads, men hardly ever get any. I quickly wrote back to Linda.

Subject: Tell me more, Please!

Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1999 20:14:57 -0700

From: "Odell S. Hathaway, III" <xxxxxx.com>

To: xxxxxxxxx.com

Hi Linda.

It's very nice and a little sad to hear from you. It's nice to hear from you, but it's a little sad that you are at the coast. I wish I was at the coast, but I am here in beautiful Vancouver. And I love it here. Well, you can't have everything.

Like I said, it’s nice to hear from you. I know your brother-in-law is into being a libertarian, but how about you? Personally, I believe in much of what the Libertarians stand for, but I am losing faith in the political process. Do you really believe that the people of this country were dumb enough to elect Bill Clinton twice?

So how do we get to know each other? Well, I guess I will take off a few veils and then you can take some off.

One thing that is very important to me is a sense of humor. I am into groups like the Capitol Steps and Monty Python. I prefer intellectual humor instead of stupidity-based or degrading humor. I am not a fan of, say, Austin Powers or Adam Sandler. I love the Marx Brothers.

I see that you too are a refugee from California. I was raised in the Los Angeles area until about four years ago, when I decided that I had had enough. Where did you live in California? That was in October 1995. I am a computer programmer. There is not a city on Earth that does not have need of my skills, so I pulled out a map of the world and asked myself where I wanted to live. I decided the Northwest US or Southern Australia. For Thanksgiving that year, I made my first ever visit to Oregon. After three days I decided that this will do. I started looking for a job from Southern California. I wanted the coast but would settle for anywhere from Medford to Anchorage. I found one here in Portland, and by April I had left everything and everyone I knew behind to start my new life here.

After less than a year here, I was so in love with the place that I had to start putting down some roots. I found a great house and bought it.

So where have you lived? Where on the coast do you live?

I am glad to hear that you are in the Portland area often. I do not get out to the coast often, but I sure would like to. I just never seem to get up and go. For the last couple of years, maintaining my house has been my weekends. That's what you get when you live alone.

I love live music, the blues, and rock, but I really love musical theater. If you like the blues, ask me about the time I saw the Blues Brothers in concert.

My spiritual life is the most important thing in my life. I meditate every day. In September, I am going to Scotland to spend a week at a spiritual community there called Findhorn. A friend of mine recommended it.

So where do you swim? I assume there must be a pool near you, or are you crazy enough to dare the cold of the local ocean?

I would be interested to know what about my ad jumped out at you. You mentioned dependable, different, laid back, caring, and spiritual. But why?

Your description of yourself sounds nice to me, another reason it is sad that you are so far away. I too was working out until about six weeks ago. I was going to callanetics classes two or three times a week. I hope to be getting back to them shortly.

But I had an accident. I was mowing my lawn and fell down a hill. I did not get cut, but I managed to severely twist my knee. I am just now losing my limp, and it is painful to walk long distances. It has been painful, but I am seeing progress every day. My chiropractor is very pleased with how I am doing. Yes, that is a chiropractor. I do my best to stay as far away from MDs as I can get.

Well, I think that is about enough to start with. If you want to learn more or want to see more of me, including pictures, you can check out my home page.

http://www.teleport.com/~osh

And I do hope you write back.

Odell

PS: Did I ever tell you about how I was going to be a priest until I got caught up in a sex scandal? No, I was not the one having the sex.

The next day, at work I found it hard to concentrate waiting until I could get home and see if there was a response to my letter. There was.

Subject: Let's Talk, Shall We?!

Date: Thu, 01 Jul 1999 19:58:44 GMT

From: minniemdriver <xxxxxx.com>

To: xxxxxxxx.com

Dear O'Dell,

Or can I call you OH III?

Let me start by saying that I was very blown away by your ad because you described sooooo many qualities, romantic, humorous, into reading, writing, thinking, and growing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, as well as physically, that I am looking for in a relationship, friends or otherwise.

I am a Libertarian and have always been, but am realizing that in our society at present, it would take a revolution for what I believe in to work. I also love some of the same movies as you, the old ones. I just watched An Affair to Remember last night before I went to a comedy show with the girls, and yes, I enjoy intellectual comedy as opposed to Dumb and Dumber. I take lots of pictures and even took a university photography class. I do not drink either and agree that drugs are out for me and all my friends. Also, you have a wonderful smile, and we are close to the same age.

Now I'll answer our inquiries. I lived in Long Beach, Newport Beach, and San Francisco in California. That was during my twenties. Then I lived in New York City and Miami. I was just recently living back in my home state of Texas when I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to move back to the West Coast. You know, I only live an hour and a half from you. I go through Vancouver all the time when I'm on my way in or out of Portland. As a matter of fact, we are going to the Blues Festival this weekend for the weekend and the Fourth, and yes, I would like to hear about the Blues Brothers concert sometime.

I'm still learning more about meditation and do some form of it every morning. I swim at a great facility here in town that has two adult pools and a hot tub, but I did swim in the San Francisco Bay when I was younger, and it was numbingly cold and boldly refreshing all at the same time. I was dancing, too, for exercise until I too hurt my knee. I went to a chiropractor and a physical therapist and have found that exercising at home, yoga, and specific knee exercises is working best. I am a medical transcriptionist and have worked in the medical field all my life. Believe me, you have the right idea about avoiding Western medicine.

You must not be sad that I live at the coast because we aren't that far apart and I would like to correspond with you. I hope I’ve given you some answers. Please feel free to ask me anything you like.

I have a few questions for you about your PS, but they'll have to wait as my lunch hour is up. I would have checked out your web page, but alas, I am not as computer literate as you, even though I use computers every day. I'm sure one of my friends can find them.

What are your plans for the Fourth of July?

I await your reply.

Good day to you,

Linda

I was thrilled by this and quickly wrote back.

Subject: Minnie Driver?

Date: Thu, 01 Jul 1999 20:40:59 -0700

From: "Odell S. Hathaway, III" <xxxxxxx.com>

To: minnie driver <xxxxxxxxx.com>

Yes, let's talk. Or maybe even get together if you have time while you are down here. I have no plans for the weekend, just resting and healing, but that does not mean that I can't get out. I just can't walk long distances, or I'll pay for it next week. In the meantime, you can reach me at (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Normally, I get home around 5:00 pm, but Fridays often get held up and I do not get settled until after 6:30 pm. I have to start mowing my lawn. Even with a bum knee, I have to keep things up. By the way, I do not want you to think that I am crippled. Like I say, it's getting better every day, and I hope I will be back to my normal life before the end of the month.

I must tell you that the Minnie Driver reference is very interesting to me. I assume you are referring to the actress from Good Will Hunting. I think she is one of the most beautiful and sexy women out there today.

I must say I have been very impressed with what you have written so far. It is unusual to meet someone that does share so much with me.

You know, I have never seen An Affair to Remember, but I love its counterpart, Sleepless in Seattle. I think that film is one of the reasons I moved up here.

By the way, you mentioned several times in your letter, the girls. Are you referring to girlfriends, or do you have children? If so, it is not a big deal to me. It just helps me develop my image of you.

I am interested in your interest in photography. You see, I am quite a good photographer myself. Thank you for the compliment on my smile. I am so happy that picture turned out. I took it last December. Yes, that’s right, I took it. All the pictures on my home page are self-portraits.

You say that we are close to the same age, so how old are you? One thing I found interesting in your letter was the following quote, Now I'll answer our inquiries. Is that Freudian?

I would be very interested to learn more about your meditation practices. As for the swimming, you are very brave. I understand the bay is like ice. The closest I think I have come to something like that was swimming at Mirror Lake in Yosemite. Today they call it Muir Meadow. Back then, it was a glassy calm lake with water fed from the snowmelt. Man, was it cold, but I was maybe ten.

I would like to get back to swimming myself. I was a junior lifeguard when I was a teenager. My family lived across the street from a park with a pool, and I volunteered there during the summers. When you want a good cry, ask me why I never got my lifeguard card.

I do feel free to ask you anything, but I do not know what to ask. Are there any questions I should be asking? Well, we will learn all that later. In the meantime, I look forward to hearing from you either this way or on the phone and seeing you in person. I will not be disappointed if you don't look like Minnie Driver, but I would be if you did not look like you.

Till I hear from you,

Odell

PS: I will leave the PS till then, but it's not dirty.

On Friday, Linda called me and we talked. It was fun, and I asked her out for Saturday. I wanted us to meet somewhere neutral, but Linda wanted to meet me at my house. So we agreed and set the time for an 11:30 am lunch date.

After I got off the phone, I spent the rest of that evening and the morning cleaning my house. About 11:00 am, Linda called to let me know that she was running late.

I was working in the garden when I saw a strange car driving down my street. I stood and watched as the car pulled into my driveway with my hands clasped in front of me. For some reason, that was important to Linda. She remembered me standing there like that for the rest of her life.

She got out of the car and I was very impressed. I guess today we call it chemistry, but all I know was that it felt good to be around her. Not just that she was very sexy, but it felt good to talk to her and just look at her.

I showed her around my property. I think she liked the stream in the backyard, and she and my cats seemed to get along well. We sat on the couch in my front room and talked awhile. Then I asked what she felt like having for lunch. She said anyplace with a salad, so we went to a salad bar restaurant. We talked through lunch, then went to 31 Flavors for dessert.

While we were eating our ice cream, she told me about the rape. How five years earlier, she had been in San Francisco. She was hungry, and some guy had offered her half a sandwich. The next thing she knew, she was hanging on a wall naked, being raped.

She escaped, but ended up having a nervous breakdown and being hospitalized for some time.

My dating life up to this point had been a series of disasters for various reasons that I will not go into here. I had only dated a few women, and several of the few I did date turned out to be mentally ill. One had even been hospitalized and obviously was let out way too soon. Sometimes it felt like I was a magnet for people with these kinds of problems. The fact that Linda also had them scared me, but I also felt that there was something special about this beautiful woman.

We then went back to my place and talked. Somehow it got to be dinner time, so I offered to take her to dinner. Instead of a salad bar, we went for seafood. It just felt natural sitting with this charming woman. The only minor problem was that she kept sneezing; she had a cold.

It was starting to get late, and Linda still had an hour and a half drive back to her place in Astoria, this while she was not feeling well. The next thing I said took me completely by surprise. “You know, you are in no shape to drive home tonight. I have a spare bedroom. Why don’t you stay the night? You can drive home in the morning when you are feeling better.” I was even more surprised by her response: “OK!”

After dinner, we drove back to my place. We spent the rest of the evening watching movies on TV and talking about everything and nothing. Finally, it got to be late and we simply could not stay up any longer, so we went to bed, yes, in separate bedrooms.

The next morning, I was awake before Linda, so I made her breakfast. It was now the Fourth of July, and we talked about what we should do about it. Vancouver has the biggest fireworks show west of the Mississippi, and Linda thought she would like to go to that. But there were problems. First, she did not have any clothes with her and was wearing the same clothes she had worn the night before. Second, Linda had two cats back in Astoria that she needed to feed.

I suggested, “I would love to see the ocean. Why don’t I drive you back, you can pick up some clothes, we can visit the beach, and then come back here for the fireworks!” Again, Linda said, “OK!”

By this time, we had been together for almost 20 hours. I bring that up because while this was still technically a first date, we had spent more time together as a couple than most people do on three dates.

What happened next I did not plan, but I would not part with the memories of it for anything. I was getting something out of my library (office) when Linda walked in. The next thing I knew, we were kissing. I will not go into the details of everything that happened in the library. I will say that it was not X-rated, definitely R-rated, and wonderful. Linda told me later that she had thought about letting it get to an X, but “I liked you too much and did not want this to seem like a one-night stand.” Also, the fact that she had not done anything like that since the rape held her back.

Well, I have no idea how we finally managed to break our embrace, but we stayed out of the bedroom and drove to Astoria. It was a fun drive. Both of us loved to sing while listening to music. I drove with my left hand and kept my right hand on her knee, and we must have sung “American Pie” 20 times. In Astoria, Linda made me a tuna fish sandwich, one of the very few meals Linda ever made for me.

We spent the day at the Peter Iredale Beach with the skeleton of a ship on it. The ship had run aground on October 25, 1906, and was still decaying almost 100 years later.

The drive home was just as lovely as the drive there. Unfortunately, by the time we got home, we were both tired and did not feel like fighting the crowds for the fireworks. So we stayed home and watched them on TV.

The next morning, I was still in bed when Linda got up. She came into my room wearing just her nightgown and asked if she could lie down with me. Of course I said yes. She climbed under the comforter, and we just lay there holding one another, not even talking, just enjoying the feel of being near each other, and nothing else happened.

When we got up, we took a trip to Border’s Book Store and got Linda some coffee. I don’t drink coffee, so I did not have any in the house. When we got home, Linda got ready to head back to Astoria.

I carried her stuff out to her car. Then she came over to me and asked, “Do you remember what happened in the library?” I told her, “I don’t think I will ever forget.” Then she kissed me and got in her car.

It is not easy to find your way to or from my house, so I had her follow me onto the freeway, and then I waved goodbye, for now.

That was our first date. It lasted 48 hours and was one of the most important and wonderful times of my life.

Over the following week, we tried to contact one another, but kept missing each other. Finally, Thursday I wrote and asked her to come down and see me again over the weekend. On Friday, Linda called to let me know that she would not be coming down on Friday night but would see me on Saturday.

Anyone that ever knew Linda knows that she was seldom on time. Our second date was no exception. She was several hours late, and I was getting worried. When she finally showed up, she seemed distracted and a little standoffish to me. I was worried that she was upset about something. Finally, after she put her stuff away, we kissed. Then we decided to go to the Portland Art Museum for the day. Linda wanted to see the collection of Native American masks that was on display. We spent a wonderful afternoon looking around at the masks and holding each other.

After the museum, we went to dinner, and then we rented a movie, something with Minnie Driver in it. I think the movie was OK; frankly, I do not remember it. What I remember was Linda lying on my couch with her feet in my lap while I massaged her legs and sucked on her toes. When the movie ended, we started into some pretty heavy petting and ended up going to the bedroom.

Now, I have to admit something. Frankly, before I met Linda, I did not have much experience having a woman in my bed. She was not my first, but very close. I was enjoying everything we were doing, taking my time, not wanting to rush things, but I think she wanted me to be more in charge, because she just got out of bed and went to the other bedroom.

I lay there, hoping that she would change her mind and come back to my bed. At one point, it looked like that was going to happen, but she only went to the library to get a book. I did not sleep much that night.

The next morning was Sunday, and Linda wanted to go to church. So I took her to a church that I went to sometimes. Then we went to brunch.

For me, this is a very sad part of the story. It was very clear that Linda was upset about something, and I did not know what. She started drinking mimosas and finally asked me, “What happened last night? Why didn’t we have sex?” I was shocked and hurt to find that I had hurt her deeply. She wanted me to make love to her, and I did not. I told her, “I thought that was what I was doing, and then you walked away. I did not understand what you wanted. I am so sorry.”

We talked a long time about it. We told each other about the hurts that led us to that point in our lives and that we cared about each other. She told me more about the rape and how she had not been able to open up to a man the way she had tried the night before since then. I told her how the one thing I would never want to do was hurt her and how upset I was that I had. I told her she would have been, and I hoped still would be, my third lover.

After brunch, we went back to my house. Linda had brought her laundry with her, so we started a load and then went to my deck to sunbathe. It was a fun afternoon. Linda looked great in her bathing suit. We put on the Blues Brothers and enjoyed the sun. Then Linda decided to take control. Now, if you asked certain former presidents if we had sex, they would tell you that we did not. But I can tell you we both enjoyed it as much as if we had.

I would love to tell the reader that the course of true love always runs true, but it does not. The next weekend, Linda decided we needed to take a break. We were on again, off again for most of July. Some weekends I did not see her; some she came down to see me.

At the end of the month, I went to visit Linda in Astoria. The reason for the trip was so that we could visit a replica of the Bark Endeavor, one of the ships that Captain Cook sailed around the world. The replica was making the same voyage and would stop in Astoria for a few days. Also, I was going to help Linda get her apartment ready because she was going to be moving out soon. She was going to rent a room from her friend Betty.

The time at the ship was wonderful. I felt so proud that everyone could see me with this beautiful and affectionate woman.

After the ship, we visited Linda’s friend Betty, and I had my first warning sign that I should perhaps get out of this relationship. While we were there, Betty offered Linda a cigarette, and Linda smoked it. That may not sound like much to most of you, but to me it was a big deal. In my ad, I said nonsmokers, and she had lied to me. I did not notice that she told me she was a nondrinker but drank on our second date. But smoking was something huge to me. I had watched too many people I knew and loved die of it. The problem was, I was already in love. Later, she told me that she was sorry and that she only smoked when she was with someone who smoked.

The rest of the weekend we spent having a good time, cleaning, going to the beach, and watching movies at her place. We had KFC for dinner and slept in separate rooms. My snoring made it necessary for her to sleep in a separate room. Also, Linda had a sleeping disorder and needed to wear earplugs to sleep.

In August, Linda moved in with Betty and Betty’s two kids. I do not think Linda had any idea what she was in for and hated it. When she showed me her room, it was just large enough for a bed and nothing else. She had to keep herself and her cats in that tiny room. It was a huge mistake for her to have moved.

I did what I could to help her. I visited when she would let me, but she did not want me there since she felt uncomfortable around Betty’s kids, who were in high school. Betty was on a trip to Singapore, and Linda was the resident adult.

I remember one Saturday I could not visit Linda, so I made up a tape of songs I thought she might like and brought it to her on Sunday when she let me spend the day with her.

Linda did not have the temperament to be a resident adult. She wanted to be the kids’ friend, and the kids walked all over her. She hated it, and when their mother got home, Linda asked if she could live with me for two weeks while she looked for a new apartment.

I was concerned about her moving in when we had known one another for such a short time, but I said yes. She and her two cats lived with me for the two weeks. I think she might have looked for a longer stay, but I was leaving at the end of the two weeks. I was going to Scotland.

The weekend before I left for Scotland, we drove back to Astoria to look for a new apartment. As we talked, Linda told me about how miserable she had been in Astoria and that she hated the Northwest. She just did not like the rain, and in Astoria there was plenty of it. Finally, Linda decided that she was going to move to San Diego and start all over there, probably after she finished the coming semester at school. That, of course, meant an end to our relationship.

A few days later, I left for Scotland, and Linda returned to her old apartment in Astoria while she continued looking for a new one. I had not known that she had kept the old apartment, although she was living with Betty.

I will not go into details of a trip that Linda did not go on except to say that she was there, all right. I wrote to her at least twice a day, sending her postcards of the places I visited. I would send two a day, one that was normal and one that was naughty. I remember the people I was with told me that I sounded like I was in love with her, which I am certain I was. I could not wait to see her again.

When I got back to the States, Linda came to see me the next day. I have worn a beard for some time, not so much because I think I look good in one, but because I’m just too lazy to shave every day. Linda had asked me some time before my trip what I would look like without the beard. So before she arrived, I shaved it. She took one look at me and said, “How long is it going to take to grow that back?” Somehow, the subject of San Diego never came up again.

Linda and I maintained our long-distance relationship throughout the rest of the year. Sometimes she would come to see me. Sometimes I would go up and see her. Sometimes we would not see each other. Often, she would tell me that she was going to come and see me and, at the last moment, cancel. Other times, she would drive to see me and spend the whole day sleeping. There were lots of wonderful times and lots that drove me nuts. I tried to break up with her several times, but quickly gave in to her tears. It was hard.

When Thanksgiving finally arrived, I got a big shock that should have been another warning sign. Linda was going to spend the weekend at my place. I drove up to pick her up on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and found her very sick. She had an absolutely terrible headache and needed me to take her to the emergency room.

Before we left, she told me that she had Hepatitis C and had not bothered to tell me until then. The only reason she told me then was that she was going to have to tell the ER staff and did not want me to be surprised. She told me that it could only be passed through blood and sometimes could be transmitted sexually. I was shocked at this. We had not yet, according to President Clinton, had sex, but we had been darn close. In fact, there had been an episode where we did not have sex because I insisted on wearing a condom if we did, and Linda was not interested in that. I did not know much about Hepatitis C. I felt betrayed, but I still loved her and took her to the ER.

The next day, I started doing research and found that Hepatitis C is not normally transmitted sexually and that I was in much more danger if she used my toothbrush than if we had intercourse. Of course, we were not going to do that unprotected. Besides, we were both enjoying safe sex.

The other question that this brought up was a much touchier subject, and I handled it badly. I wanted to know if she felt it would be OK to ever get pregnant with this condition, because there is a small chance of passing it to the baby. Linda was incensed at the question. “Am I supposed to give up on being a mother because of something that is beyond my control? How could you even ask such a question?”

Christmas was also a shocker. Linda was going to spend the holiday with her sister in California, so we were going to have our Christmas two days early. I had gotten us tickets to see the Nutcracker in Portland. Linda drove to my house on the 22nd. On the morning of the 23rd at 3:00 am, Linda woke me. She had a terrible headache and said, “I need to go to the emergency room.” What I found strange about this trip was that before we could leave, Linda had to get dressed and put on her makeup. It is my opinion that if you are feeling good enough to get all dressed up, you probably do not feel bad enough to be in the ER. In the ER, Linda was disappointed that they did not offer her anything for pain, only a decongestant. I think the people at the hospital could see that she was fishing for painkillers.

At this point, I was really starting to see a pattern that should have scared me much more than it did. This was the third ER trip that Linda had made while I had known her. Despite having Hepatitis C, Linda still drank. I knew that with her condition, she should not drink at all. Anyone who drinks even though they know it will, not just might, harm them is an alcoholic. Linda also might have had a problem with prescription drugs, but I did not understand what that meant.

That night, I made us a turkey dinner with all the fixings, and we went to the Nutcracker. All I remember of the performance was trying to keep my eyes open. I was not used to getting up at 3:00 am.

With Linda in California for Christmas Day, I was alone, so I drove to Astoria to check on Linda’s cats. While I was there, I cleaned up her apartment some and found that she had left out several recent letters from her old boyfriend in Texas. I knew that this guy had tried to run Linda down with his truck, and I was shocked that she was still writing to him while he was in jail. No, I did not read the letters; I just saw the name on the envelopes.

Now this was 1999, and the big New Year’s Y2K was about to take place. I was planning to take Linda out on the town until midnight and get a hotel room for the morning. Unfortunately, Linda was having money problems, so I told her that instead of going out, I would give her the money.

We spent New Year’s Eve 1999 at my house asleep, safe and sound in my bed. Based on the predictions for the end of the world, it was probably better that way.

Next: Chapter 05 - Broken Up with Odell

Previous: Chapter 03 - After the Earthquake

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