Chapter 17: How do I say “GOODBYE?”

How do I say “GOODBYE?”

A poem I wrote to my wife.

My beloved, how do I say “GOODBYE”?
How can I let go of you?
It took me so long to find you.
Years alone, searching, wanting, yearning.
At last, we found each other.

God, I loved you so.
The touch of your hand.
The light in your eyes.
The wonder of your mind.
Finally, I was not alone.

I had a friend, lover, woman, and child all in one.
I loved you more than words can say.

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
How do I get up every morning without you there?
How do I sleep every night without feeling you near?
And whispering as you fall asleep.

Why should I, when all I want to do is cry and die?

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
So many dreams we shared.
So many hopes are dead.
Your future is gone, and you have stolen mine.

You were everything to me.
My love, my life, my wife.

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
For years, my everything was the struggle to keep you alive.
The fight to keep you safe from yourself.

How do I deal with the failure, the loss, the pain?

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
Do I have the right?
I loved you, but your heart could not be mine.

To me, the touch of your lips,
The feel of your skin,
The soul in your eyes was divine.

But I meant less to you than the drugs you loved.
The glass pipe that burned you.
The needle that scarred you.
The cocaine that took your mind, and then your life.

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
I do not want to say “GOODBYE”.

I want to wake every day with you beside me.
Clean, happy, and safe.

I want to hold you, love you,
And watch our children grow old with you.

I want to make love to you at eighty,
And hold you when you finally rest.

Having lived a wonderful life full of love.

That is what I wanted to give you.
What I struggled for eight years for.
And what I swore I would do at the altar.

How do I say “GOODBYE”?
I do not know if I can.

All I know is that I love you.
And always will.

— Linda
“GOODBYE, my love.”

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Previous: Chapter 16 - Conclusion

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