How do I view myself as a priest?

Copyright © 2008 by Odell Sneeden Hathaway III

This is a paper I wrote and submitted to the Episcopal Bishop of Los Angeles when I was trying to join the priesthood.

The title of this paper asks a monumental question—like asking a man here on Earth to step outside of the Milky Way and say what the galaxies look like. One can never really know what one looks like; one can only look around and try to see things in the universe that act like oneself, and see what they look like and what they are.

For me, the decision to try to become a priest is one that I have tried to avoid for over ten years. I have many reasons not to be a priest—I am shy, I am introverted, I am … —but I have only one real reason for being a priest, and that reason is that something inside of me has been telling me to be a priest since I was in high school. For me, being a priest is not a choice of occupation or job—it is what I feel I am supposed to be. A dog is a dog, a cat is a cat, and something inside of me says that I am a priest.

As to what role or ministry I will work in as a priest, I do not know. I can see many roles that I could work in. I could be a parish priest—in the last three years I have gained tremendous practical experience in running a parish as a member of the vestry, junior warden of our parish, and as leader of the youth program. Each of these jobs has given me insight into the workings of a parish.

I can also see other areas where my skills could be used. One area I feel the church needs to take an active role in—and remove from domination by the medical industry—is hospice care. It is a part of the sacred office of a priest to help people deal with death, both the deaths of others and, most of all, their own.

I could also see myself staying behind in the seminary as a theologian. The future is going to change forever the way society works, and therefore the church needs to start considering how it will fit into the new order. The church also needs to look at how it can help guide humankind from its childhood to the point where it will be making children of its own. Within the next hundred to two hundred years, humankind will be able to create machines that think for themselves—and other new kinds of life. Is the church ready to help humankind deal with these facts? Have we taken the time to look at the results of killing our own creations (each time we throw a switch)? What do we do with a humanity that can justly compare itself to its creator because it can create?

We are approaching puberty. It is not the church’s job to tell us not to play with ourselves because we are going to hell. But it is the church’s job to be ready to help guide us from infant to responsible adult.

Finally, I can see myself as a worker priest—holding down a normal job during the week and helping the church in my spare time, just as I am doing now. Who knows? I might even work for the diocese, bringing my business skills to the aid of the church. I do know that if I were to go into the parish ministry it would also be like being a worker priest: my occupation would be running a church, but I would give to the church my skill as a priest.

As you can see, what I will do as a priest is quite up in the air. I thought I should end this paper by telling the most important thing that I will do as a priest—and that is serve God from His altar. All my life this is what I have wanted to do. When I was a young boy, I became an acolyte to serve God in this important way. As a man, I am a lay reader, lay Eucharistic minister, and run our acolytes because of the passion I have for the time I spend at the altar. It is so much a part of me that I was very surprised to find out that everyone does not feel that way—that most people would rather not serve at the altar, that the acolytes do it because they are forced to by their parents. To me, serving at the altar is an honor, and most of all, it is a very large part of who I am—a priest (I hope).

Note: I wrote this paper when I started training for the priesthood. A few years after I started my training, I was forced by the church to choose between a friend and my calling. I chose the friend.

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